Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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