i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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