I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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