I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
