I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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