bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I look better un-naked...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize