dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
