i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
