she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize