You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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