Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
