the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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