do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry my hands just texted you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
