Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
