oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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