If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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