I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
