no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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