I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
