hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
