i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
