Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
