i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
