Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
