I need help removing her.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize