I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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