I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
