Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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