3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize