Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
