we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize