I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
