Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
