dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
