The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
