God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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