it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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