Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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