and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
