Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
