Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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