your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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