READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
