Im at strip club and am horny
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
