new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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