I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
