I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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