hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
