its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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