I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
