so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
