I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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