I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
