i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize