I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
