Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
