would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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