Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh god it's open bar.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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