Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
