i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
