Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
