he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
