So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
