I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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