quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
