Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
