but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
