I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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