I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
