Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
