the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
