the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
