I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
